I kept talking at work about wanting a boat.  Finally, my coworker, Marilyn, said, "Sarah, you don't need a boat!  What you need is a BOYFRIEND with a boat!" "What a great idea!" I said.  "That way, I could avoid the expense of the boat!  I'll put an ad in to look for one!" She laughed, and I explained, no really, I would place the ad.  I knew that our local free weekly paper, the Willamette Week, would run a personal ad for free.  Their money is made from people calling the voicemail box to respond to the ads. So we were laughing, Marilyn, Gary, and I, about the ad I would place.  "Looking for man with boat.  Send me a picture of the boat." I went home, and spent some time composing the ad.  I couldn't really ask them to send a picture of the boat, as they would be responding to a voicemail box, so I improvised.  I received a phone call denying my ad!  Here is the e-mail I sent, in response:

The Ad

I kept talking at work about wanting a boat.  Finally, my coworker, Marilyn, said, "Sarah, you don't need a boat!  What you need is a BOYFRIEND with a boat!" "What a great idea!" I said.  "That way, I could avoid the expense of the boat!  I'll put an ad in to look for one!" She laughed, and I explained, no really, I would place the ad.  I knew that our local free weekly paper, the Willamette Week, would run a personal ad for free.  Their money is made from people calling the voicemail box to respond to the ads. So we were laughing, Marilyn, Gary, and I, about the ad I would place.  "Looking for man with boat.  Send me a picture of the boat." I went home, and spent some time composing the ad.  I couldn't really ask them to send a picture of the boat, as they would be responding to a voicemail box, so I improvised.  I received a phone call denying my ad!  Here is the e-mail I sent, in response:

> To Whom It May Concern: > > On Friday, July 16, I attempted to place the following personal ad: >       Short, fat woman.  Interests: fishing, pets, reading. >       Seeks man with boat.  Send picture of boat.  No, >       actually, just call and describe boat. >  > I was soon called by one of your people who informed me she could not run > my ad.  When I asked why, she told me "it sounds like you are more > interested in the boat than the man". > What right do you people have to dictate how shallow I can or cannot be? > If I want to judge a man by his boat, I think that is my business.  It may > interest you to know that EVERY man I told this story to (I work with a lot > of men) , responded "What's wrong with that?"  Apparently, you feel it > would be acceptable for me to be looking for a slim, attractive, > professional; but too shallow for me to be looking for a man with a boat. > I understand that if you thought I was trying to use the personals for some > other purpose, that would be a reason to refuse an ad.  However, I don't > see how my ad can be construed as anything but an attempt to meet people. > The only other reason I can think of for my ad to be refused would be my > brutal honesty.  You may believe noone would respond, so you would not make > your money from the voice box.  1.  One person I work with thought I would > get lots of replies, and he's a man, so he should know.  2.  I don't think > you have the right to discriminate against people based on percieved > likelihood of response. > By the way, the wording of my ad was based on an old joke, that a man I > would be interested in meeting would recognize.  I'm not interested in > someone without a sense of humor. > > Sincerely miffed, > Sarah Adams

(I made a mistake in writing the ad, I had intended to have "my truck" as one of my interests) Note the fine sense of outrage I portrayed.   And yes, the woman on the phone really did say that "it sounds like you are more interested in the boat than the man," which we had a lot of laughs over at my work!  Well... yeah....

> Dear Ms. Adams: > > I'm emailing this from my home account, as Willamette Week emails to > pcez.com are always returned.  I understand your confusion regarding your > ad, so hopefully I can clear things up.  We are not trying to dictate the > kind of person you're looking for, but we are trying to clarify the nature > of the ad.  We get many, many ads here with people who really want a service > and don't want to pay for a classified ad (anything from housecleaning to > roommates to prostitution), so they try and subtley word ads to get the free > Personals deal, which is incredibly unfair to respondents who are paying > $1.99/minute to meet someone. > > We also get a lot of women trying to say, as subtley as possible, that they > want a rich man to take care of them.  This, too, would be a service (paying > for companionship), but they word it in such a way that it can still get > printed in Wild Encounters.  However, the rest of your ad did not sound like > a Wild Encounters ad, which is why you were called. > > If you have any more questions or suggestions, please let me know. > > Sincerely, > (I am deleting her name) > Supervisor > Willamette Week Personals >

Wild encounters?  They are scaring me.  I will not give up though!  I seek justice!

> Ms. (deleted): > I still don't understand why there would be any confusion about my ad.  I > requested that it be placed in the women-seeking-men column.  I also stated > in my ad that I was a woman seeking a man.  I described myself and my > interests (why would I do that if I was interested in anything other than > meeting people?), and listed the criteria I was looking for in a man. All > of this is the same as any other personal ad.  I just chose to vary the > wording a bit.  Apparently, you will only publish ads that are exactly like > every other ad. > The person who called me, when I said I didn't know how to word it > differently, suggested I add the words "in search of long-term > relationship".  I am completely unwilling to add anything that geeky. And > why should I have to be specific?  I just want to meet some men!  I don't > know what I want to do with them!  The closest I could come with honesty > would be "to take me fishing", but I might very well want a more intimate > relationship than that.  I can't tell until I meet them. > As I have said, I understand that you do not want ads for other things > disguised as personal ads.  However, I cannot see what my ad could be > conceived of being for if not a personal ad.  Wild encounters?  I don't > know what that is exactly, but the name scares me.  I still do not > understand your refusal. > Sarah Adams > > I may also be reached at fdedip@whale-mail.com

Dear Ms. Adams: I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but I had two wisdom teeth yanked last week and wasn't particularly coherent.  The best way I can describe the situation is that when people try to place ads for other services, they try as hard as possible to  disguise them as personal ads to get our free rates.  They will say in their ads that they are seeking a man, and describe themselves, and then say they're looking for a man with a house in SE.  This could easily mean that they want to meet a homeowner (meaning someone financially stable) in their area.  However, whenever someone gets more specific about the house or location or some such thing, it immediately puts up a red flag.  The rep who enters the ad usually confers with the other rep, and if they agree it's suspicious, then they come to me.  If I agree as well, then the rep contacts the person to either put it in Classifieds or clarify it in some way to show you are not looking for an item but a person. I would guess that someone admits to us that they wanted a Classified ad every second or third week, so it's an issue we are dealing with fairly regularly (although the Groups & Friends category gives us much more difficulty than the regular sections).  I agree that "in search of long-term relationship" sounds very geeky, but it's just a suggestion to make your intention clear. > Please let me know if this does or doesn't address your concerns.

Now, what is really confusing me, is that apparently, they believe I may be attempting to barter my body for a boat.  In which case, whyever would I describe myself (albeit honestly) as "short and fat"? They do seem to think this, though:

fdedip@whale-mail.com writes: > I just can't figure out what product or service you >think I could be after. I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark - I thought this was made clear in the intial phone call.  Literally, a boat, which is a classified ad; figuratively, a man with money who will give you material goods or money in exchange for companionship, which would go in Wild Encounters.

I am still finding this hilarious, so I just keep pushing.  Justice will prevail!

fdedip@whale-mail.com writes: > >I suppose I can understand your initial hesitation (kind of), >but I don't understand why, after my repeated explanations, >you continue to refuse my ad. I don't know how else to explain this.  If we run this ad, we get more ads from people who do want a service or a product trying to get in.  When we tell them no, they'll say (as they have many times in the past), "But I have this ad in front of me that says this.  You let them do it."  If we tell them, well, we knew this person genuinely didn't want this service or this product, they will say well, neither do I.  This is not some cockamamie rule we decided to make up, but comes after long and hard experience. I had this same discussion with another man today, wanting an ad requesting a foreign bride in exchange for 'citizenship', and he insisted he wasn't really providing a service but was just trying to come up with a creative way of meeting women.  Aside from the absurdity of this argument, he then continued to point to other ads and said, "But you let these ads say this...."  We've got another funny ad going in this week, saying 'Fuhrer seeking Eva Braun type.  Must take dictation.'  Clearly, this man does not want a secretary.  We put it in, but we're beginning to regret it already and are not looking forward to the influx of maid and roommate ads that will be coming in. I've got 2 customer service reps who have to deal with this all the time, and it is not amusing to them to be screamed at on the phone by these people.  Personals customers are different from any other business; they are representing themselves, not their companies.  Because of this, they can be (and mostly are) particularly wonderful and fun to deal with. However, there is the extremely vocal minority that is going to take out all of their life's aggravations on a rep because of a misplaced comma (which actually happened).  No ad is worth this, and I'll do anything we can to prevent this kind of difficulty before it starts.

Now I am not quite so amused.  I sent off another quick note, but I'm not enjoying this game any more.

Your ad came to my attention because our 2 customer services reps thought it was a problem.  Then I read it and felt as they did.  Since the 3 people who have to deal with any ramifications from the ad agreed, the decision was made.  If you choose to re-word the ad, our deadline is Friday at 3pm.

This would have been the end of it.  Yes, I really was going to let her have the last word.  I was very insulted that she was willing to print a Nazi ad, but not a fishermen ad.  I wasn't having to feign outrage anymore. But the more I thought, the madder I got.  I had to tell her what I thought!  So I did. Here's her response:

The 'Eva Braun' ad seems completely absurd, so we decided to take the risk and run the ad, hoping that people wouldn't take 'must take dictation' seriously.  Of course the Nazi allusion is disturbing, but I'm not going to censor his ad because I don't like it.  We rarely reject anyone's ads or ask them to edit them in any way, unless the exchange of a service is in question or they mention something illegal.

So there you have it!  Nazi humor=OK, fishermen humor=must be censored! I still haven't found a man with a boat.  If you'd like to apply, email me!  Be sure and send a picture of the boat.